3 Underused Tactics to Better Communicate

She remained calm despite my prickly reply to her comment. She moved forward again explaining what her intentions were for our phone meeting. Not once was there an angry tone in her explanations. Simply what Karé Anderson wanted was to have a clear, direct conversation with me without the underbrush, as she calls it. Her intention was to find a way we could help each other. I was caught off guard by the directness and clarity in which Karé communicated her intentions for the call.

A more honest assessment of my prickly reply to Karé’s communication style was I had never encountered someone who so clearly articulated her needs while at the same time making clear her desire to help me. It was an unfamiliar juxtaposition of directness and grace.

Underbrush is a term Karé uses and is described in her book, [easyazon_link asin=”B007X6V8V4″ locale=”US” new_window=”default” nofollow=”default” tag=”achievstrate-20″ add_to_cart=”default” cloaking=”default” localization=”default” popups=”default”]Moving From Me to We[/easyazon_link] as “our usual habits of packing in extraneous ‘preface’ details at the front of a conversation and numbing would-be listeners into a ‘mental vacation.’” Guilty as charged.

Have you tried having a conversation where you intentionally remove the underbrush while speaking with the intention of helping the other person? Have you intentionally structured the way you communicate to bring in the listener without dramatic flair? Imagine how much more commanding your presence would be.

Have you intentionally structured the way you communicate to bring in the listener without dramatic flair? Imagine how much more commanding your presence would be.

Upon analyzing Karé’s communication patterns, I realized that she has found a way to connect with people in a powerful way. That we could all learn from such purposeful communication patterns would be an understatement. Let me tease out three underused tactics I learned from my conversation with Karé.

1. Focus on Giving

Too often we approach communication with the intention of getting out what we need to say. The subtle shift to identify how you can help the other person changes the dynamics immediately.

For example, imagine you need to give feedback to an employee. Too often we focus on getting through the interaction and on saying the right thing to avoid potential conflict. Instead, what if you shift how you view the feedback? The feedback is a stand you’re taking to help the person grow in their abilities. Explore how you might be able to help instead of reprimanding the person.

2. Clear out the Underbrush

Get to the point faster without clarifying language, or dropping language explaining what you don’t want, or justifying what you’re about to say. Karé calls them “wandering background words” that simply overwhelm and make your intentions cloudy.

Couple this underused tactic with focus on giving and you can powerful improve how you communicate. Try saying for example, “I’m looking for ways that we can work better together. Certainly there is a mutually beneficial purpose that we can explore.”

Too often we approach communication with the intention of getting out what we need to say. The subtle shift to identify how you can help the other person changes the dynamics immediately.

3. Acknowledge the Other Person

Repeat back to the person what they just heard you say. “I understand it’s important to you that we find a way to better communicate. This is important to me, too.” It’s a simple technique that gets thrown out the door when conversations heat-up. It’s a way, though, to keep a potentially heated conversation from starting or escalating. It’s also validating to know that you’ve been heard.

Karé and I had a great conversation where we explored many possible ways to collaborate and help each other. Because of the focus on giving, removing underbrush and acknowledging what each other said, we connected in our conversation at a much deeper level.

In the world of work, we can all benefit from richer, deeper conversations. The business benefits, and our relationships benefit.

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Shawn Murphy

Change Leader | Speaker | Writer Co-founder and CEO of ExchangeGain. Passionately explores the space where business & humanity intersect. Promoter of workplace optimism. Believes work can be a source of joy. Top ranked leadership blogger by Huffington Post. The Optimistic Workplace (AMACOM) out 2015